Blush

Why do I even put it on?
It's not like I need it,
when I'm with
you.

*Smiles and looks away*

Pleased to Meet You

The words fell out
had no control
the nest falls down
the lost eggs roll.

But I'm still falling
right through the ground
can't scream or cry
can't make a sound.

So I stay silent,
plummeting through
center of the earth,
'til I collide with you.

Oh Boy.

The tears roll,
the face gets red,
the heart thunders
inside my head.

This is not me,
it's in my mind,
what i wish to do.
Pride isn't kind.

With an apple heart,
and sticks for ribs,
stick me with a knife
blood never fibs.

Baby, you made me say

I have never said it before.
Not about a guy.
Never about someone like you.

It makes me want to scream,
the way you weasel your way
into my head.

But still, when i saw you
in that picture
smirking at me,

with my friends standing behind me,
giving you the one through ten,
I just opened my mouth

and said it.

"I just... I just love him."

Then, many things at once;
the double gasp,
the eyes widenning.

"You love him?" She asked
I gaped, trying to find reasons
for why I said it.

I was as shocked as they.
Allie, the one who never cared about anything.
Allie, the girl who breaks boys hearts.

Allie, who doesn't believe in love...
just said,
that she loved him.

I couldn't believe that
I allowed the words to pass my lips,
like poison that i kept inside,

trying to hide it,
now has come out into the open
free to affect others outside myself.

I am scared. For you, at first.
Now, it's me. i have no clue
what the hell I am doing.

But...
apparently,


I love you.

so maybe everything will be okay.

Panic Attack

And when we panic...
it's a blessing
not a curse

Oh my God,
hold my purse,

as I pull
out my hair,

run away
but to where?

Hide my face,
as I remember,

faces flushed
in December.

Rain will fall,
waters rise,

tears won't run
from these eyes.

Want to scream,
but to who?

Close my eyes,
I see you.

Get a grip,
mental shake,

put on smiles
that are fake,

Because inside
I am twitchy,

don't want to seem
like I'm bitchy.

So I laugh,
really loud,

try to blend,
with the crowd.

In my head
walls are spinning,

because I know
it's the beginning,

of a cycle I've
done before,

and I hope
I'm not a whore.

It is me,
It is her,

from this life,
we can concur,

that our lives
are all connected,

by the panic
we've perfected.

It's the same
every day:

we become shy,
we look away,

from the
possibilities.

Our perfume
in the breeze,

it attracts
the birds and bees,

watch them come
from all the trees,

it is them
we try to please.

But then our words
begin to freeze,
and then we panic....

She's Picking Petals

Like red flowers,
given through,
the touch of skin,
the likes of you.

Like a twister
tearing down,
slowly finding,
what she once found.

Like a painting,
in the rain,
drips it's color,
she's gone insane.

Much like laughter,
will you be,
the way to cure her
insanity?

Can You Comprehend?

The blue jay sings even in a storm.
I've heard it before, above the sound of rain on my window.
I couldn't see it.
But it was there. I know. I heard it.
When the blue jay forgets its music,
it stops singing,
instead of singing the wrong notes.
So you don't hear it,
until it finds a new song.

To Live With Feeling...

is to live with pain

which is...
Okay. With me.

Again The Twister Turns

The black wind in the sky
comes down to meet me
pulling me in.

Lifted up in blackness
thrashed through the air
I can never win.

As the pain takes hold,
as the world begins to fade
I know it's not a sin,

but... I begin to smile,
strange as it may seem,
the smile turns to a grin.

Grinning turns to laughter,
still flying through the air,
and suddenly,
I'm more alive than I've ever been.

The Ones Who Never Leave Me

I want to tell you how I love,
the way you stick around.
The way you save my pieces,
when I've crashed to the ground.

I want to tell you how I love,
that when you cant put me back together,
you still cherish me broken,
and stay with me forever.

I want to tell you how I love,
the way you laugh at me,
it's sprinkled with fake malice
but the love is there to see.

I want to tell you how I love,
how we're glued side by side.
Even with the darkest secrets
it's to you that I confide.

If friends are hard to find,
then I'm really lucky, it is true.
because I'll never see another kind
of person who's like you.

Trees

I had fallen down,
so I looked up in the sky,
but the sun was much too bright,
I looked over to my side.

There between the trees,
was a heavenly-looking sight,
snow dust slowly floating,
from branches of trees of height.

I couldn't stop my staring,
it was much too hypnotic,
it seemed as though a spirit,
if I had dared and thought it.

But heavenly it was not.
It was normal as you and I.
the snow was getting cold now,
so I looked back to the sky.

Could it ever be so beautiful?
even with it's gold-paved road?
As when I'm lying here,
with the trees as my abode.

All Better Now

to say im sorry
would be a lie,

im much too selfish,
to even try.

but its all right,
i like to laugh

in the face,
of human wrath.

you can yell
i do not care,

in fact i smile
at the frown you wear.

and now your gone,
from my world,

I've forgotten you,
as time unfurled.

so go and stomp,
just like a child,

slam that door,
your mood is mild.

And i will say,
what you said to me

what i almost forgot,
now that I'm free:

"Just go outside
to fight over your lies,

and who ever is wrong
is the one who cries."

Have fun forgetting
these last ten years,

I wish you luck,
and forty beers.

The Sleeping

Childhood is filled with chains,
holding dreams down with lies.
Adolescence is confusion
resulting in saddened eyes.

Adulthood is many paths,
all of which are narrow-minded,
for when we chose which one to take
we lose the past behind it.

We forget all we have had,
lock away all we've done,
hoping for new prospects,
to come with the rising sun.

To me they tend to think,
they can explain it all away,
every desire to change things
every mood in every day.

They've lost themselves in statistics,
not seeing with eyes so closed,
that it is they who are the sleeping.
this is what my eyes exposed.

It's Not Personal

You wonder silently,
is she talking about me?
You read the words,
but your eye fails to see.

If your curiosity has
been suffocating you blue,
there's just nothing i enjoy more
than confusing you.

It's a hobby of mine,
friends will say its a fact.
But don't fret, readers,
it's simpler than that.

Each word is placed
in random order,
so creases in brows
could never cross the border

into my mind,
where these words flow freely,
no one could understand them
its not personal, really.

I Ran Out The Door, Screaming.

I look at him,
i shiver.
Gross runs across my brain
like flashing lights in the city.

I look away.
Fuck it.
I'm too young to die,
under the weight of that insecurity.

:O

What Is It?

This feeling
that is in me,
makes me smile,
makes me see,

the world around,
encompassed ice,
needs no fire,
you suffice.

I'll always love,
all of you
And even when,
suns freeze through,

don't you worry,
time will pass,
the ice will fall,
like shattered glass.

Objection

Oh boy
here we go

the cold shoulder
comes with the snow

life will not end now
of this I am sure,

but is it worth it
to be so demure?

try not to care
do I succeed?

but with all of this
bull that they feed

the youth today,
words don't make sense

to ones who aren't sure
of innocence.

Good Night Love

Good night love,
i said
on that fateful day,

good night love,
to life
i pushed away

good night love,
the world
it still spins round

good night love,
my heart,
it makes no sound,

good night love,
if ever,
a love was real,

good night love,
if still
there's love to feel,

good night love,
to me,
you have no place.

so good night love,
I'll be
dreaming your face

Follow Me

The clouds today are pretty.
not beautiful
but pretty.

The sunset today,
I can't see.
Just a faint pink in the sky.

Sometimes I wonder
if the clouds
are smarter than man.

They converge
all into one
the white, the grey, and the black.

The soft, the whispy
the angry, the loud,
the high, the low.

I know that the clouds are moving,
I just don't know where.
Maybe to the mountains?

Right now I don't truly care.

I'll be leaving anyways.

Where i go, they will follow.

So I will look up and wonder,
were those the same ones
that hung over us at home?

Do they smile upon me
with remembrance of
that old time, in the sticks?

The golden leaves,
in her golden hair,
our laughter echoing through the trees.

Or do they frown upon remembering
the stealthy escapes through
my bedroom window in the living night?

Do they carry still
the same water that evaporated
from the gravel of that one school?
(What was its name?)

Where so many tears had
fallen to the ground?
Where life itself

was in the making?
Or do they look the other way
always faced upwards

with their backs towards us,
watching the stars
instead?

I don't really know.

I'll be leaving anyways.

But where I go, they will follow.